Making Therapy Work

Often times, new clients come to my office without much prior experience of therapy. Sometimes, I am the first therapist they have ever seen.   Some nervousness is understandable, if you have never been to therapy before. It is not uncommon for me to hear questions like “how do I do this?” or “where do I start?”  There is no need to worry about doing therapy “right”. That said, there are several things you can do to maximize the benefits of your sessions.

Come early:  Allow yourself some extra time, in case of unexpected delays.  This will ensure that you get the benefit of the full hour, instead of losing precious minutes trying to find a parking space.  This is also a way to help yourself arrive in a calmer state, giving you more energy to focus on the work we do together.

-Come often:  Weekly therapy is usually recommended, at least in the beginning.  Some clients reduce the frequency of their sessions to bi-weekly, as they start to feel better. This is totally fine, and actually a great indication that therapy is serving its purpose.  Regardless of how you choose to set your schedule, it helps keep that schedule consistent and predictable.  This gives therapy a sense of continuity and flow.

-You do not need to rehearse:  Some people set very specific expectations of what a session will look like. Often, these expectations include discussing upsetting or traumatic material.  While telling your story can be important, it can be counterproductive to focus on traumatic memories outside of therapy.  Rehearsing the story can lead to re-living the memory.  This can actually exacerbate PTSD symptoms, rather than healing them.

When you feel ready to work with a traumatic memory, make note of this in a journal (without going into detail) and bring the journal to session.  Then, we can discuss how to work with that memory in a slow, supported way that will not lead to re-traumatization.

-Plan something fun or relaxing after therapy:   Therapy is not always an intensely emotional process, but sometimes it can be.   It is helpful to give yourself a “break” after a session.  If you have a strong sense that you need a walk or maybe a nap, listen to your body and do what you need to do.  If you need time to yourself, turn your phone off.  If you need friends around you, call somebody and go out to dinner.  Of course, it is possible that you will need to return to work, class or other obligations after therapy.  If that is the case, plan a “break” later on, when you have time.  Give yourself something to look forward to.

-Have your own vision for therapy:  Have a clear idea of what you want your life to look like, once therapy is complete.  What has changed?   What type of work are you doing in the world?  What do you do for fun or spiritual fulfillment?  What do your relationships look like?   This vision can change or evolve as therapy progresses, but it is important for that vision to be there.  That way, you can gauge how well therapy is working.  It will also give you a sense of when you are ready to complete therapy, since the decision is ultimately yours.  Your vision may be discussed periodically during the course of therapy, to make sure we are on the same page.

-Talk to your loved ones about therapy:  Nobody heals in isolation.  Discuss your progress with a trusted person who can support your vision for recovery.

-Have a sense of humor:  Therapy does not have to be serious all the time.  After all,  therapy is a human relationship, and healthy relationships involve humor.   Laughter can be a great resource.  Allow yourself to play a little.  You deserve it.