How does recovery begin?  This is a common question asked by trauma survivors, as they begin their healing journey.  Where does one even start?  When a person’s life has been dominated by chronic, severe stress or threats of violence, it can be challenging to find one beacon of hope amidst a stormy sea.  When we experience trauma, our nervous systems can become “wired” to perceive threats around every corner.  This is adaptive.  This hyper-vigilence was warranted when the threat was imminently present.  It unfortunately leads to suffering when we cannot turn it off, even when we know, on an intellectual level, that we are in a safe space.

Have you ever been told that you are “in a safe place?”  Did you find those words comforting?  Sometimes, hearing those words can be a helpful reminder.  At the same time, our nervous systems need to be shown that we are safe, not just told.  For example, a client may not feel “safe” with a new therapist until several sessions have taken place.  It takes time to establish trust.  A wise therapist will understand this process, and be patient.  Trust is earned through consistent, non-judgemental presence…and sometimes it happens in baby steps.

Those baby steps in therapy are often accompanied by a parallel process of slow, gentle steps toward learning to trust ourselves.  Therapists, friends, partners and family can provide emotional support, but sooner or later, we have to become our own primary caregivers.  So, how do we show (not just tell) ourselves that we are in a safe space?

Try this experiment:  next time you are at home, check out the space around you. Notice your emotional reaction to the colors, the sounds, the textures and scents.  Notice if you feel relaxation in the presence of some stimuli, moreso than others. Do you like soft fabric?  The color of your flowers?  The sound of coffee brewing? What is your favorite type of music?  When was the last time you allowed yourself  to listen to a piece of music that you really enjoy, without doing anything else at the same time? We live in a world where we are so constantly bombarded with stimuli that we rarely enjoy one thing for its own sake.

You may have objects of personal significance.  Do you have images of people who are safe and supportive?  Perhaps your most comforting images are pets, or spiritual figures.  Do you look at them frequently, or just pass them by?  Are they prominently displayed?  If not, have you thought about moving them to a more centralized location?

What are some things you can do to make your environment more soothing, and conducive to healing? Think of just one.  It may be something as simple as getting softer light bulbs or keeping the curtains open. Notice how you feel after taking that one step.

When we take care of something, this gives our subconscious mind a message that this something (or someone) is worthy of care.  When we take the time to create a nurturing environment, and really enjoy that environment, we can slowly start to believe we are worthy of nurturence.  Slowly, we can begin the process of relaxing into a sense of safety.